CANCER FUCKING FREE!

When my looked down at my ringing phone this afternoon and saw "Moll Pavillion / Fairview Hospital" on the called ID, I just assumed it was one of those recorded messages reminding me about my appointment tomorrow.  (Never mind that I got that message yesterday.  I was buys and not thinking about that stuff...)  So when the voice on the other end was the Nurse Practitioner who was with me from day one of this ordeal, my heart immediately leaped into my throat.  She was the one who told me that the results of my biopsy were that I had cancer.  So it was only appropriate that she was the one to call me first today...

She said that when she saw my results from yesterday's can pop up on her system, she could not wait until tomorrow to call and tell me the good news.  What they saw was exactly what they wanted to see:  no progression of disease, and no residual evidence of the tumor.  I was so in shock.  So stunned.  I spent all this time mentally preparing for this news to come TOMORROW, that hearing it today... I just couldn't wrap my brain around it.  I don't have cancer anymore.  I don't have cancer anymore... WHAT?!

I called my parents and Ryan and then gave up on even trying to finish the day at work.  It was too good.  Too amazing.  A few minutes later, Dr. Kebria called me as well to share the news.  I didn't think they were supposed to tell me before the appointment, so they must have all been excited for me down at the Cleveland Clinic!

On my way home, I called some friends to share the news.  Ryan had already posted it on Facebook and officially invited the entire world to our house for a bonfire celebration.  Nine tonight, if you want to come.  Let one of us know if you need the address...

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it...

Thank you all for your amazing support.  And remember.  This isn't over.  I will be getting retested for the rest of my life.  I will always be a cancer patient, a cancer victim, and most of all a cancer SURVIVOR!  I will be paying for scans and scripts and healthier food for the rest of my life.  I will never be able to not worry about medical bills, not to mention the possibility of cancer returning, again.  It will always be there.

But that just means that I will always be HERE, too.  I'm going to get a new "Positively Phoebe" header on this page in the next week or so (since, clearly, Phoebe's Stupid Cancer is outta here!).  And I am going to continue to write and share my positivity and my experiences and my feelings and my fears with all of you.

I love you all.  Thank you for your support through this.  I hope it continues even if I stay healthy for the rest of my life.  When we think we're strong and independent, we sometimes don't admit how good it feels and how important it is to hear that we are loved by those we care about.  But I definitely learned through all of this that hearing it means the world to me.  Knowing you are loved and supported is one thing.  Being reminded on a damn-near daily basis is another.  And it's pretty awesome.

So thank you.  And I hope you keep coming back.  After all, I DO have another 350 Italy pictures to post...

Love love love, Phoebe