Positively Phoebe

Our long weekend in Las Vegas was so perfect.  I don't even know how to begin to describe what it did for me mentally and emotionally.  It was like getting a little slice of my pre-cancer life back.. except that I didn't have to go home alone after seeing Ryan on the road because we went together!  So in that way it was even better! We arrived Saturday evening and ran smack into friend/tour manager Dan in the lobby of the Westin.  He gave me a "Daaaaaamn..." kinda thing - clearly I look better than the last time any of these guys saw me.  We did some wandering around.  Found dinner.  Yadda yadda.  Stopped at a liquor store on the way back to the hotel, picked up a bottle of Maker's Mark, and invited our friend Matt, who arrived shortly after we did, back to have some drinks in the room.  Matt is friggin' hilarious and I always enjoy listening to his stories.  Even the ones I've already heard.  More than once. I LOVE The Flam...

Cause that's what I feel like saying!  In just about 7 hours, we are taking off for our trip to Las Vegas.  Ryan will be working Punk Rock Bowling and I will be having nothing but fun AT Punk Rock Bowling, and just futzing around in Vegas.  There will be poolside lounging and shopping with my friend Spike.  There will be long overdue drinks with my friend Stack Rink, who lives in Vegas.  There will be celebrating.  There will be fun fun times with my wonderful husband.  (I MAY even succeed in my attempts to convince him to go to the jousting thing at Excalibur!) Now I need to go pack and get ready for an awesome long weekend! Xxo, Phoebe PS - HUGE thanks to brother-in-law, Evan. for house & dog sitting.  You rule!

Just a quick note here... I sent out a few Thank You notes to folks that sent me donations (or soup or something) the other day.  What I realized AFTER I sent them was that I did not really fully explain them... Each note has a small print of my most recent art piece in it.  A piece that I made SPECIFICALLY as a thank you to you all for wishing me well.  So yeah.  That's what that is.  If you open your mail and are like "Why the hell am I getting this weird-ass little print of some weird-ass collage?"  That's why.  Because you are awesome and I have chemo/menopause brain and forgot to tell you. Love love love, Phoebe PS - Also, if you are Gary Sindall, you are the only donation-sender whose address I didn't get and whose email seems to go nowhere.  Please send me your address?

Honestly, a lot of them have disappeared.  Which is awesome.  My butt seems to be doing loads better, which was one of my major pains since the treatments ended.  I still have radiation burns around my front and back, but they are at least starting to fade like a tan in the fall, finally.  Hot flashes are mostly under control with my hormone replacement pills.  My skin and hair seem to be headed back to normal.  A lot of the things that were bothering be have settled way down, which makes me so happy. The worst thing right now? Neuropathy!  Ughhh.  Lately, I wake up every morning and my hands just HURT!! It is a strange pain that is hard to describe, as it is unlike any other hand-pain I have had before.  Over the first hour I am awake, it goes from a sharp, stabby, almost prickly pain to a dull ache accompanied by horrible itchies.  Usually by the time I head off to work, though, it has subsided.  It is completely bizarre and I h...

Today was one of my best friends, Jessica's, baby shower.  I was nervous about it because the last baby shower I attended was Lacey's - for my buddy, Spencer.  At Lacey's shower last summer was when I first REALLY let myself wonder for the very first time if whatever was causing all of my bleeding was something that was going to make it impossible for me to ever change my mind about having a child of my own one day.  As we know, the answer to that question turned out to be "yes"... so I was definitely a little tense about going to Jess's celebration today.  Especially when I felt myself getting reeeeeally weepy over the picture of a tiny newborn on the pack of diapers I bought to give to her while I was shower-shopping at Target yesterday.    "This is something I will never experience" was the thought that went through my head as I looked at the tiny baby feet on the diaper packaging and tried not to cry.  It's so strange to be feeling this way.....

You ever have one of those days where you feel like you just can't win?  I do occasionally, but I swear to god, Ryan has those days, like, daily.  I have never met anyone whose luck seems to be as fucked as his. He's in New York right now on tour... and his wallet was stolen.  Money.  Credit cards. ID. Social Security card (WHY he has this in his wallet, I DO NOT know!).  Our medical card.  Everything. I seriously feel like every time that poor husband of mine starts to feel like things are good something ALWAYS happens to take the wind out of his sails.  Always.  If I am Positively Phoebe, he is Repeatedly Getting Railed Ryan.  Cars.  Jobs.  Bands.  Money.  And now this. And there is nothing I can do to help from here.  I feel sick.  Getting stressed out anymore always makes me nervous (which stresses me out more, and so on and so on...) because I am literally terrified of having negative ANYTHING going on...

Usually, when someone posts a quote in a blog, it's by some famous person.  Well, this guy may not be famous to YOU... but to me, he is legendary.  I don't think a man ever lived who was as admired as John Elliott was by my father.  His friend.  His mentor.  His father figure.  I only met him once, and I will never forget it.  And yesterday, when my dad (tattoo dad, that is) called me up for a chat during my lunch break, he said it to me again.  And it reminded me not just of how many times I have heard my dad say it, but how many times I have thought it myself.  It's simple and it's something we all need to remember... "Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured." Keep this in mind, my friends.  It's amazing how much this little phrase popping into your head can turn your day around.  Thank you, John Elliott.  You live on in the love and inspiration you gave to those you left behind. Xxo, Phoebe

Yesterday, I called up the Cleveland Clinic's billing department to see about setting up an affordable payment plan for the remaining $6900 I owe of the $12,500 I had to pay out of pocket for my cancer treatment.  And I hung up BEYOND frustrated with the smug girl on the other end of the line who told me that a three month plan was the best they could do.  Seriously?  I don't have $2300 any more than I have $6900.  It may as well be the full $210,000 if I have to pay it off in three months!!!  She said that I COULD send what I can each month, but that it will likely, then, be sent to collections. My initial reaction was to be pisssssssed.  But after cooling off for a few, i realized I am just frustrated.  I mean... it sucks!  I WANT to pay this bill.  I genuinely WANT to give my hard earned dollars to the good people at the Cleveland Clinic who helped me through my treatments and cured me of cancer!!!  That is a bill ENTIRELY worth pay...

Random Thing #1: We made our first batch of kombucha.  I bought some canning jars to store it in and had a cup last night and another with breakfast today.  I was a little nervous last night.  My first sip was kinda puke-y tasting, but I think the notes I was tasting were less "vomit" and more "new and unlike anything familiar".  I am pretty psyched about it, actually, and am looking forward to keeping the brewing going.  With it taking 10 days or so per batch, though, I think I may start doing two at once, a little staggered, so we don't run out in between.   Random Thing #2: I've been strangely "sad" the past few days.  (Maybe the idea to try to ween myself down on the zoloft was a bad one?)  I came to a weird realization on Saturday... ever since I have begun to feel better, I HATE being home.  Home now feels like "the place that I was trapped when I was too sick to go out anywhere."  On weekends, especially, if I have no specific ...

I think I mentioned in a previous post that Ryan and I are planning on joining a herdshare so that we can legally have access to raw milk.  What this means is we basically pay for a portion of the care of a cow and in return we get milk, butter, etc. straight fro the farm.  I am SUPER excited about this. It's all pretty much part of following something that seems to be sort of a trend right now... the Paleo diet.  Not "diet" in the Atkins/South Beach/Zone/Etc. way... just "diet" as in "what you eat".  I bought a Paleo cookbook and am looking forward to making this a serious part of our lives. I don't want to go all Kris Carr here, though.  I mean, I LOVED "Crazy Sexy Cancer" but when girl started squirting wheat grass juice up her ass, I kinda lost a little bit of my interest, you know?  I mean, as with anything, I enjoy learning about good things from other people, but when it goes BEYOND a certain point to where it's not just a ...

I am trying to figure out how many of my close friends have new-ish babies and/or babies on the way right now.  And all I can come up with is... a lot.  That's how many.  A friggin' lot. The fact that I am thinking about this at all is strange and new.  Until pretty damned recently, I could have cared less about any human being under the age of, say, oh... twenty or so.  Kids?  Zero interest.  And don't even get me started on my previous feelings about babies.  Suffice it to say that I was NEVER a fan - not even as a child myself.  Just didn't have that maternal gene, I guess.  Never had any desire to have a child of my own or even to be around anyone else's. That changed slightly and slowly as more and more of my amazing friends had amazing kids.  When Steve had Maverick six years ago, I HELD my first baby.  And when Lacey had Spencer, I fell head over heels in love with my first baby.  And now she's pregnant again....

I still prefer the line-stealing guy, but this is pretty good, too. And I have NO idea what is going on here. Ivy.  I like the stuff... when it's not on my house. View on the way up to Pizzale Michelangelo. Loved this little guy.  We made friends fast! Florence & the Duomo from Pizzale Michelangelo.  Stunner. One of the two Florentine David replicas that you ARE allowed to photograph. Somehow an empty wine bottle laying on the sidewalk looks so much less trashy than a beer can. I guess I wasn't the only Clevelander in Florence that day? Mmm.  Shutters.  Love 'em. Yet another excellent door. And another. Hello to you my only love. This was across from the piece above.  Even the dumpier buildings were beautiful. Adored this balloon graffiti.

No, I haven't forgotten about posting the rest of these babies.  Just haven't had time to do any sorting recently.  This batch concludes our Tuscany day trip day with San Gimigniano, a little more countryside, and Pisa.  I really did not expect to be so amazed by Pisa, but it was spectacular. Entering San Gimigniano. Creep! Pansies! San Gimigniano.  Lots of great gothic architectural detail in San Gimigniano. MORE BIRD PORN! Yum! Spooky wall. Cute laundry. Cypress silhouettes. Dream house? Dream view! Headed to Pisa from San Gimigniano. IS THAT A "FOR SALE" SIGN?!?!!! Pretty trees. Leaning Tower of Pisa! Piazza dei Miracoli. Leaning Tower. It really is quite leany. ...And quite beautiful! Amazing from every angle. Piazza dei Miracoli from the top of the Leaning Tower. The sunset that night was just stunning. Love the terra cotta rooftops! ...