Postponed Positivity Post: Posted.
When I wrote the other day about that thing that was upsetting me, I actually woke up all amped to write this glowing happy post about my amazing and wonderful weekend - filled with positive, wonderful, spontaneous awesomeness. Going to do that now. (Unfortunately, it will likely include less detail as my short term memory still suffers from a fog that I cannot tell whether is post-chemo or menopause based.)
Saturday.
I texted my friend, Ruth, early to try to take care of some business and she ended up inviting me to go thrifting with her. I LOVE thrifting, I had no real plans, obviously I said "HELL YES!" It was an afternoon of scores including, but not limited to, a maybe-worn-three-times pair of $125 Dansko clogs for eight bucks, a majorly Mad Men-esque, beautiful vintage dress that I can ALMOST fit into (maybe another 5 pounds and I'm in it), for $3, and a pile of crazy silverware for an as yet un-revealed home improvement project. While we were poking around, I got a text from our pal, Mallorie, asking me if I wanted to take an impromptu trip to Penninsula, Ohio to go visit the Spicy Lamb Farm with her. Um... is that even a question? The three of us piled into Mallorie's car and headed down 77 towards fuzzy cuteness. Laura, the gal in charge, gave us the full-on tour despite our random, appointment-less pop-in. (She knows Mallorie from her volunteer shepherdess duties with Urban Shepherds.) Got to see a whole flock of sheep (one of whom peed on my shoe), a llama (that let me pet him), a very smiley pig, angora bunnies, an angora GOAT (rad looking character), some fancy chickens, a peacock, horses, and Tip, the very pregnant herding dog. IT WAS SO NEAT! Afterwards, Ruth headed home and Mallorie joined Ryan and I for dinner and a quick pop-in at a friend's art gallery, where I ran into a TON of friends, including one of my first Cleveland friends whom I had not seen in YEARS, Jason. Completely awesome and totally put an excellent cap on a great night.
Sunday.
[Disclaimer: I am about to talk about sex. Feel free to skip ahead if you don't want to hear about it.]
So, aside from our premature and mostly miserable attempt on our night away in Mohican back in January, Ryan and I have been too apprehensive to, uh, get "physical". After the pain I felt that night, he's been afraid to hurt me again and I've been afraid to try again, period. I can barely stand the dilator, how could I possibly handle something real? Over the past couple weeks, we've talked about it a little bit and on Sunday morning, after only twice in 18 months... it happened. We finally had functional post-cancer sex. It hurt terribly at first. I almost called the whole thing off. But after a while of just holding still... it was on! It was still painful, but the pleasure part that I was afraid would never return... returned. More than once. We were both ecstatic. It's funny how something so natural had become so frightening. But now that we both know it is not only possible again but enjoyable again... hopefully we can get to a point where the wretched dilator only needs to come out when he's on tour. Woo!!
[OK - The sex talk is over. You prudes who didn't want to hear about all that can safely return now. It wasn't that bad. I mean, look at that paragraph. It's shorter than the one about used shoes and sheep, for god's sake!]
We decided to go out for a non-father's day breakfast and then hit up another thrift shop near the restaurant since I'd had such good thrift karma the previous day. And WOW did that continue. I found another amazing pile of silverware for my little project, Ryan scored a really nice music stand, I picked up a vintage T-square for work, and then there was a beautiful old Hitchcock rocking chair... just like the one my Grandpa Joe used to have, exactly the rocking chair I have been searching for! And it was only $40!! We were, however, driving the tiny BMW and not the minivan that day. But we made it fit!!! (I had to ride in the back seat, but whatever.) Since we were having such good luck, Ryan suggested we keep on thrifting. My rarely spontaneous husband with whom I almost never get to spend goofy, doing nonsense stuff time, wanted to go thrifting. So on we went. We hit up a total of six more thrift shops that day with the scores continuing all day. I picked up a Polaroid SX-70 camera... THE polaroid I have been coveting... for $4.24, more and more silverware, a couple of copper mugs that match the incomplete set we already had - which is now beyond complete, Ryan got some copper sombreros... (why? Why not!), we found an amazingly hideous bust of Elvis, and loads of other nonsense as well. And we spent less than a hundred bucks total. And we had a really fun, spontaneous, awesome day together.
We made dinner when we got home, and then later that night, we went on an hour long bike ride together around the neighborhood. It was the longest bike ride I have been on since I lived in Boulder... when I was twenty-two!
An absolutely perfect weekend. Fun. Friends. Finds. And all of it pretty much unplanned. I can't help but wonder if I'd have appreciated it as much had I never gotten sick. I feel like I am so much more open to the good things in my life now than I used to be. And that, in itself, is a really good thing!!
I am a lucky lady.
Xxo, Phoebe
Saturday.
I texted my friend, Ruth, early to try to take care of some business and she ended up inviting me to go thrifting with her. I LOVE thrifting, I had no real plans, obviously I said "HELL YES!" It was an afternoon of scores including, but not limited to, a maybe-worn-three-times pair of $125 Dansko clogs for eight bucks, a majorly Mad Men-esque, beautiful vintage dress that I can ALMOST fit into (maybe another 5 pounds and I'm in it), for $3, and a pile of crazy silverware for an as yet un-revealed home improvement project. While we were poking around, I got a text from our pal, Mallorie, asking me if I wanted to take an impromptu trip to Penninsula, Ohio to go visit the Spicy Lamb Farm with her. Um... is that even a question? The three of us piled into Mallorie's car and headed down 77 towards fuzzy cuteness. Laura, the gal in charge, gave us the full-on tour despite our random, appointment-less pop-in. (She knows Mallorie from her volunteer shepherdess duties with Urban Shepherds.) Got to see a whole flock of sheep (one of whom peed on my shoe), a llama (that let me pet him), a very smiley pig, angora bunnies, an angora GOAT (rad looking character), some fancy chickens, a peacock, horses, and Tip, the very pregnant herding dog. IT WAS SO NEAT! Afterwards, Ruth headed home and Mallorie joined Ryan and I for dinner and a quick pop-in at a friend's art gallery, where I ran into a TON of friends, including one of my first Cleveland friends whom I had not seen in YEARS, Jason. Completely awesome and totally put an excellent cap on a great night.
Sunday.
[Disclaimer: I am about to talk about sex. Feel free to skip ahead if you don't want to hear about it.]
So, aside from our premature and mostly miserable attempt on our night away in Mohican back in January, Ryan and I have been too apprehensive to, uh, get "physical". After the pain I felt that night, he's been afraid to hurt me again and I've been afraid to try again, period. I can barely stand the dilator, how could I possibly handle something real? Over the past couple weeks, we've talked about it a little bit and on Sunday morning, after only twice in 18 months... it happened. We finally had functional post-cancer sex. It hurt terribly at first. I almost called the whole thing off. But after a while of just holding still... it was on! It was still painful, but the pleasure part that I was afraid would never return... returned. More than once. We were both ecstatic. It's funny how something so natural had become so frightening. But now that we both know it is not only possible again but enjoyable again... hopefully we can get to a point where the wretched dilator only needs to come out when he's on tour. Woo!!
[OK - The sex talk is over. You prudes who didn't want to hear about all that can safely return now. It wasn't that bad. I mean, look at that paragraph. It's shorter than the one about used shoes and sheep, for god's sake!]
We decided to go out for a non-father's day breakfast and then hit up another thrift shop near the restaurant since I'd had such good thrift karma the previous day. And WOW did that continue. I found another amazing pile of silverware for my little project, Ryan scored a really nice music stand, I picked up a vintage T-square for work, and then there was a beautiful old Hitchcock rocking chair... just like the one my Grandpa Joe used to have, exactly the rocking chair I have been searching for! And it was only $40!! We were, however, driving the tiny BMW and not the minivan that day. But we made it fit!!! (I had to ride in the back seat, but whatever.) Since we were having such good luck, Ryan suggested we keep on thrifting. My rarely spontaneous husband with whom I almost never get to spend goofy, doing nonsense stuff time, wanted to go thrifting. So on we went. We hit up a total of six more thrift shops that day with the scores continuing all day. I picked up a Polaroid SX-70 camera... THE polaroid I have been coveting... for $4.24, more and more silverware, a couple of copper mugs that match the incomplete set we already had - which is now beyond complete, Ryan got some copper sombreros... (why? Why not!), we found an amazingly hideous bust of Elvis, and loads of other nonsense as well. And we spent less than a hundred bucks total. And we had a really fun, spontaneous, awesome day together.
We made dinner when we got home, and then later that night, we went on an hour long bike ride together around the neighborhood. It was the longest bike ride I have been on since I lived in Boulder... when I was twenty-two!
An absolutely perfect weekend. Fun. Friends. Finds. And all of it pretty much unplanned. I can't help but wonder if I'd have appreciated it as much had I never gotten sick. I feel like I am so much more open to the good things in my life now than I used to be. And that, in itself, is a really good thing!!
I am a lucky lady.
Xxo, Phoebe
Comments
Mum
Phoebe - you are absolutely funny, creative, deep and carefree! I completely enjoy your perspective on everything.
Keep staying well. Keep making us laugh. And keep on having sex! (sorry prudes)
Here's a classic for you. The text I have to type in so that the blog doesn't think I'm a robot and it will post my comment is...wait for it...strocum. Dirty minds can commence laughing now.