Positively Phoebe

My apologies for the two day pause in the story there.  Yesterday was a very full day - but I will get to THAT later.  Seems I am forever a few days behind in my catching up with things here in blog-land. So.  Back to the retreat.  I started Saturday morning out with a couple cups of coffee and then one of the women from The Gathering Place led us in a simple, easy yoga flow.  It's been a while since I have been able to make it to my regular Wednesday yoga class with my friend Laura, and I definitely enjoyed doing it again - and missed Laura even more.  Perhaps I will get myself there tomorrow.  After yoga, it was off to the Countryside Farmers' Market at Howe Meadow .  This was just incredible.  Best farmers' market I have ever been to.  I left with two pounds of raw honey (Ryan and I are going to make mead ), cherry and grape tomatoes, beets, raw milk beer cheese, various peppers, empire apples (I know my mum will like that!), a poun...

Or maybe you haven't.  But I am back from the retreat and ready to talk about how it went.  (And to everyone I met there who may be showing up here for the first time - I promise you I am not making anything up just in case you actually come to check this blog out - everything I say here about this weekend's experiences will be completely honest.) That being said... I had a REALLY good time!!!  I talked about my apprehension earlier and by the time all of the other attendees had arrived, my fears were gone.  The three women from The Gathering Place  who were sort of leading the event were just wonderful.  I felt at ease instantly after meeting them and bringing my bags into Standford House  to get settled. We started out by sitting together around (what WOULD HAVE been) the fire pit (if it hadn't rained most of the weekend) and sort of went around the circle introducing ourselves, sharing what type of cancer we had, and what we mig...

I just have to complete my usual morning routine, head to work for a few hours, and then bounce out early to head down to the Young Adult Cancer Retreat. I've been filled with anxiety over this since I signed up.  I even had a dream about it - and the dream was not good.  The idea of shuffling off to spend a weekend with a bunch of strangers is pretty freakin' scary to me, I'm not gonna lie.   Yesterday when I got home from work, our neighbor and good friend, Joe, was standing in his driveway.  He asked me if I was going to see a band I really like tonight and I explained that, no, I would be at this retreat.  Much like Ryan, his response was, "Why?!"  He went on to ask if I felt like it was something I needed to do, and the truth is, I really don't know.  I have had nothing but negative experiences when I've tried to connect with other cancer survivors (except for my spotty online connection with Emily of  http://killingitblog.com/ )...

Two posts in one day? What the hell?? Seriously, though, the entire time I was out running my weekend errands today, I was thinking about how I needed to write about the whole process... especially the whole process today. I have heard a lot of people complain about how they hate that, in order to effectively do their grocery shopping, they need to go to like three different stores.  But me?  I LOVE IT!  There are different wonderful things that fit into my new healthy diet at Earth Fare, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Heinen's, and even Giant Eagle and Target.  And today, I went to ALL of those places (except for Whole Foods, which is only inconveniently located on the East Side).  I even went to two different Targets, because I had already gone to one and then realized that I had prescriptions to pick up at a different one. But here's the thing of it.  I really enjoy going to these different places.  I love them all for different reasons.  I g...

Life has been pretty hectic the past month or so.  At my job where I have struggled for years to get more than 32 legitimate hours a week, I spent the past month easily going over 40 and enjoying my first ever experience with overtime pay.  It was awesome (...until I realized that the last time my paycheck was this size was, you know, every week at my job in Denver 15 years ago.  That part kinda bummed me out.  But whatever. Times are tough and I am grateful to have a job at all - especially one I genuinely enjoy.) Well suddenly, this past Thursday, the craziness at work settled down and I felt like I could breathe again.  I enjoyed some time with Ryan and FINALLY made it over to my beloved Jess's house to see her and her baby girl, Harper, again.  That is probably the last time I will refer to her as "Harper," too, by the way.  To me she will always be "Little Beeps".  Jess and I have called each other "Beeps" or "BeepBeep" for most of our...

I heard this for the first time today and I loved it so much I wanted to share it.  It's really how I feel lately... In my mind In a future five years from now I'm one hundred and twenty pounds And I never get hung over Because I will be the picture of discipline Never minding what state I'm in And I will be someone I admire And it's funny how I imagined That I would be that person now But it does not seem to have happened Maybe I've just forgotten how to see That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be And in my mind In the faraway here and now I've become in control somehow And I never lose my wallet Because I will be the picture of of discipline Never fucking up anything And I'll be a good defensive driver And it's funny how I imagined That I would be that person now But it does not seem to have happened Maybe I've just forgotten how to see That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be And in my mind When ...

Two weeks ago, one of my coworkers came to me after a doctor's appointment to ask me what a PET scan was like.  Apparently his doc had ordered one up for him because of a lingering "spot" on his lung.  It was last Friday... right before the long weekend.  I urged him to CALL the his doctor Friday afternoon, so that he would not have to wait those three long days to get his results.  But he decided he'd rather wait and not spoil his weekend in case the news was bad.  Tuesday, he called.  And the stupid doctor was not in.  More waiting... I think I was more nervous than he was.  It was like re-living my own PET scan waits. Yesterday, he was out on a job in the morning.  When he came back into the gallery, he came over to me.  And he looked... grim.  The doctor had called.  And the news - not good.  I think that, much in the way that I sort of fuzzed out when my own doctors were telling me details about my cancer, my trea...